


Gohn Crazy

by Deonara2012



Category: Topp Dogg | Xeno-T (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Branding also mentioned, Gen, Mention of abuse, Were-Creatures, humans as pets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:46:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23644084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deonara2012/pseuds/Deonara2012
Summary: The world changed, and HoJoon found himself a human in a world filled with beasts that looked human. Having escaped one hell hole, he wanted to stay out of another. He picked the wrong alley to spend the night in.
Kudos: 4





	Gohn Crazy

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: One of the side characters mentions the death of another, and while there are no details, the mention of such might be too much for some.

An explosive noise jarred HoJoon awake in the nest he’d created against the wall of this run down, over trashed alley. Night had started to fall when he’d crawled in, so it must be dark now, which meant some of the nocturnal beasts had come out. These probably weren’t completely human anymore; they spoke too low for that. One of them sneezed, that same explosive noise that had woken him, but they didn’t leave.

“You can come out now,” a voice called, pleasant sounding, youngish. Maybe.

Hojoon managed not to snort in reaction. The less they had to go on where he was, the better. How had they found him? Another sneeze ricocheted through the alley. HoJoon had found it rank in here, one reason he’d chosen this alley. How much worse would they find it, with their much more sensitive noses?

“I’m sure you’re hungry. We have food, clean water to drink, and a place to bathe,” the same voice coaxed.

The mention of food reminded HoJoon just how long ago he’d last eaten, his stomach pressed against his backbone. The idea of a bath, especially in warm water, made his clothes itch. Thankfully, at least, he had found clean water recently enough that his water bottle was still more than half full.

The voice fell silent with another sneeze, then the two conversed again, voices too low to make out the words.

“I know you’re in there,” another voice said, just as pleasant sounding but older and stuffier. He sneezed, then. His voice made HoJoon think of a fighter, which, if so, he had real trouble if they found him. He didn’t dare move. “This place isn’t good for you. It’ll make you sick and you won’t be able to fight it off. Come on out. We’ll find you a good home.”

That made him cringe. He’d lived in one of those so-called good homes, the humans in them wasting away, forced to work, to do… things. Had he not gotten far enough into the city? He thought he had. It didn’t matter, he wanted these two gone so he could get further in, find a place to hide where they wouldn’t find him.

The hand on his collar surprised him so much he didn’t react until they’d almost completely unearthed him. Hunters, both of them, though he couldn’t say what breed. The younger one held him, a blond with still plump cheeks that made him look even younger than he’d sounded. His strength in pulling HoJoon out by his coat made HoJoon wonder just how young he really was. The other one looked older, but not by much. He had darker hair and dangerous eyes, even if that didn’t keep HoJoon from swinging at the younger one to try to get him to back off.

The other one pinned him against the wall before he could connect. Then he sneezed again. His grip on HoJoon’s arms didn’t ease. “Right,” he said, and looked him up and down. “Let’s get out of here before I sneeze my brains out, and get you cleaned up, and we’ll see what we’ve got.”

He let one arm go. Before HoJoon could react, the younger one took that arm and they walked him between them, out of the alley and back the way he’d come. HoJoon’s shoes, barely held together with whatever he’d found to make them stay on, slid over some of the stuff they walked over, but they protected his feet. Which he needed, because they walked faster than he did, dragging him in some places before slowing down. 

When he could stop paying attention to his feet, he found himself in a fairly clean street, walking toward a brightly lit building. He thought it could be familiar, but he couldn’t place it before they walked him through automatic doors and into a warm and welcoming lobby. 

Another… whatever-they-were sat behind a counter just inside the doors, with white-blond hair (probably even naturally colored, now). He looked up when HoJoon set his feet and tried to get loose once they stopped moving him. He grinned, and his teeth, neat and long and sharp, made HoJoon freeze. “You two always get the difficult strays,” he said. “Any ID on this one?”

“Haven’t had a chance to check,” the older one said. “He started by taking a swing at Yano, and fought us all the way here. Where do you want him?” HoJoon made a note of the name, in case his life depended on it. 

The man at the counter regarded HoJoon with the kind of eyes that measured his worth. HoJoon shrank back as much as he could, his eyes on the floor. _Don’t antagonize him, don’t look at him, don’t make him want to hurt me,_ he thought. The mantra had kept him alive long enough to escape the last situation. “Bathing first,” the man said. “Find him clothes while he’s showering. Has he said anything?”

“Not a word. He didn’t even open his mouth.” The younger one sounded worried.

“Get him cleaned up first. We’ll figure out why.”

HoJoon felt them loosen their grip on him, and he jerked backwards. It did no good. They tightened their hold on his arms, though they didn’t hurt him as much as he knew they could, and walked him through the lobby, left down a hall, and through a door on the right.

The room smelled of hot water and soap, damp towels and humidity. It reminded him of being clean, something he hadn’t felt in ages. It made his skin itch even more than the mention of it had in the alley he’d meant to spend the night in. HoJoon stopped struggling and stared in disbelief. “Shower, get clean,” the older one said. “We’ll get you some clothes to wear while those get clean. Some of yours look in good condition, so we’ll return what you want to you.”

Yano cautiously let him go and went to a cupboard that went from floor to ceiling. HoJoon watched him, wary, as he got out a large, fluffy, white towel and matching washcloth. He added a hotel-sized bar of soap to the pile, and then a folded plastic bag. “Put the things in here that you want to keep, and we’ll take care of the rest,” he said when he came back, and he looked so earnest that HoJoon took the pile when he handed it over.

The older one let him go, watching him just as warily. HoJoon focused his eyes on the floor again. “There’s no shortage of hot water,” he added. “Take your time. There’s shampoo in the showers.”

HoJoon looked at him, his eyes making it to the soft mouth, before he dropped them again. He didn’t move.

“Go on,” Yano said, making shooing motions. “You have to be uncomfortable in those clothes.”

“Yano,” the older one said after a moment of watching HoJoon. HoJoon tried not to tremble, or at least tried to hide how much he trembled under that gaze. “Go find out where SeoGoong wants to put him, and see if you can find us something to eat.”

Yano nodded hesitantly and left, glancing back one last time before letting the door close behind him. HoJoon watched him go, then snapped his attention back to the one standing next to him. He hadn’t moved, standing too still to be completely human. “It will cost you nothing,” he said, his voice gentle and coaxing. “You look like you need help, need some kindness. You’ll find it here.”

HoJoon gave him an incredulous look, still managing not to meet his eyes, and then cringed. But the beast didn’t strike him, didn’t even move like he wanted to. Too tired to keep fighting, HoJoon turned away and chose a stall at random, stepping inside. No way to lock it, probably wouldn’t matter anyway. He set the towel on one end of the bench there, and shrugged out of his coat. He hung it up, and emptied his pockets into the bag, which held more than he’d originally expected. It held everything. Trading the coat for the towel, he folded it neatly and put the bag on top of it. His shirt ripped as he took it off, so he dropped it next to the pile of coat and bag. He’d gotten the pants recently enough that they still worked. He folded them as well, setting them inside the bag. His shoes, he hesitated, and then set them on top as well. They’d work for a while, until he could find more. 

It took the water a while to get warm. He spent the time waiting, leaning against the wall, head resting on it, eyes closed. It cooled his shoulder a bit too much, but he didn’t really notice, trying to figure out how he’d ever pay them back for any of this. The warm water roused him, and he stepped in, sighing in some relief when it cascaded over his shoulders and ran down his body. It took three times washing his hair until it felt clean, and nearly the whole bar of soap for the rest of him. Even then, his skin red and stinging, he didn’t think he’d gotten clean enough. He knew he hadn’t smelled good when they’d brought him in - he’d done that on purpose - and he didn’t want the punishment that would come if he didn’t get himself clean enough. He scrubbed body and hair one more time, wincing, and then turned the water off and reached for the towel.

His hair had grown and fell softly to his shoulders, knotted and wild. It’d take a heck of a brush to get through the tangles - if they didn’t just shave it off. In the changing room attached to the shower, he found a pair of sweats and some socks where he’d left the bag and his coat. He found it disturbing that he hadn’t heard anyone come in and get his things. He hesitated, then put the sweats and socks on. He didn’t see a shirt, so he kept the towel around his shoulders and stepped out. 

The beast that stood waiting for him didn’t look like the others, with a long face and a long neck, just long enough to be not exactly human. He didn’t look like a hunter, but prey, his eyes wider spaced than the others. “I’m a doctor,” he said, when HoJoon said nothing. “My name is Nakta. The lions wanted me to look you over.” He gestured to a chair near him.

HoJoon’s heart dropped. Lions. Of course, lions had found him. He took a deep breath, hiding how it trembled, and forced himself to relax. He really had to get out of here now. Still, the only way seemed to be to do what they wanted right now. He sat down and pulled the towel tight around him.

Nakta approached him carefully, his fingers warm as he examined HoJoon thoroughly without crossing the line into intrusive. He paused at the number burned on HoJoon’s left shoulder, and glanced at HoJoon. HoJoon didn’t look back at him, his body stiff. Nakta said nothing and went on with his examination. “I don’t know how long you were out there, but you need food more than anything else, and sleep somewhere safe won’t hurt, either,” he said, straightening. “I’ll be right back.” He walked to the door and opened it just enough to look out. “SeoGoong, can I see that apartment register?”

There had been voices outside, soft but definitely there, and at that request, it went silent. HoJoon shuddered. “Sure. Give me a second.”

When Nakta returned - after a short, intense, low-voiced conversation that HoJoon couldn’t understand - he had a gray shirt to match the sweats, and pity in his expression. “You were one of DooJoon’s,” he said, and HoJoon tensed up even more, shrinking in on himself and pulling the towel around him tighter. “I’m sorry about that. The record shows that your… home was empty when they went in to take care of that problem. We don’t know your name.”

HoJoon looked around, trying to spot another door out of here. Forget the rest of his things, he wanted out of there now.

“...so much more than I expected,” a cheerful voice said from the other side of the door. Nakta had left it open just a crack, so they could hear the murmur from outside. “The last time we went--”

“Does he ever stop?” SeoGoong asked over the cheerful voice.

“Only to eat,” an unfamiliar voice said, sounding amused and fond. “Sometimes.”

“Hang on a second, Xero,” SeoGoong said. “Nakta might want you in the shower room.”

The cheerful voice stopped mid-word. “Me?” 

“Yes, you.”

HoJoon pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped the towel around them. He couldn’t find a way out except through that door. No way could he get past Nakta and who knew how many lions in the lobby. The door opened and he shrank down even more, glancing up once to see who’d come in so he knew how to act. His eyes widened and he dropped the corner he held with his right hand to gesture, fingers fumbling with a sign he hadn’t made in… years? ‘Jiho?’

The boy - man, now, he looked healthier than the last time HoJoon had seen him - in the doorway stared at him, then broke into a familiar smile. “HoJoonie!” he yelled, and threw his arms around HoJoon. “We thought you were dead!”

HoJoon hugged him back, the towel forgotten. He relaxed a little, feeling for the first time like he might survive this. 

Too soon, Jiho backed away, his eyes meeting HoJoon’s. “It’s okay,” he said, eyes serious, but with a light that HoJoon hadn’t seen when they’d first met. “You can talk. He’s dead.”

HoJoon’s eyes widened, fingers stumbling over the words in disbelief. ‘You’re sure?’

“Yes,” Jiho said, and leaned close again, his mouth near HoJoon’s ear. “They let us see his body. They ripped his throat out.”

The relief that filled him made HoJoon feel like he might collapse. So long, he’d looked over his shoulder, in case someone came after him. Now he didn’t have to worry about it. 

“How in the world did you get him to stop talking?”

HoJoon looked up at the man in the doorway, and immediately dropped his eyes again. Another lion, this one looking more rough even than the one that had accompanied Yano. His voice might have been the one that answered SeoGoong earlier, over Jiho.

Jiho turned around, one hand on Hojoon’s arm. “Can I bring him home with me for tonight?” he asked. “He’s my friend. We lived next to each other, until he vanished.”

The amusement fell off the lion’s face, and HoJoon tensed. “He was in that hell hole, too?”

“Yes,” Nakta confirmed. “One of the last on the list of the missing. He’s not saying anything, but as far as I can tell, it’s his choice, not because of something DooJoon physically did to him.”

The name made HoJoon flinch. Not Jiho, though, thankfully. “Can I, Jenissi, please?” he asked.

Jenissi sighed. “For tonight,” he said. “I think someone’s got an eye on him.”

HoJoon looked between Jiho and Jenissi, feeling like… like maybe the dogs had felt, when someone talked about them. 

“Here,” Nakta said, amused, and held out the shirt. “I’ll let SeoGoong know, and he can tell Gohn and Yano.”

HoJoon pulled the shirt on, feeling much less exposed. Nakta bowed at them and let himself out. HoJoon stood up, moving slower than he’d expected. He’d stiffened up and could feel every bruise he’d gotten in the trip over here. Jiho took his head and pulled him toward the door. “Come on. It’s not far.”

Not far meant down the hall, up three flights of stairs, and down to the middle of the hall. HoJoon padded after them, hand still in Jiho’s, trying to wrap his mind around the Jiho’s news. Did that mean the rest had lived? Died?

Jenissi opened the door and ushered them in. Jiho took his shoes off and then pulled HoJoon further into the room. He understood why it had all looked so familiar when he saw the double beds and the typical layout of a generic hotel room. “Here, sit,” Jiho said, gesturing to a chair at a small table, and once HoJoon did, he went into motion.

The two had done this for a long time, no question. They moved around each other as they prepared food, getting things from the fridge, using the microwave and a hot plate not usually standard for a hotel. The longer HoJoon watched them, though, the more convinced he became that they didn’t have an equal relationship. He couldn’t put it into words, but he could see it. 

They sat down after a short while, and HoJoon forgot those observations in order to remember how to eat like a human. He didn’t want to embarrass Jiho, didn’t want Jenissi to regret having brought him here, even if he only stayed one night. He had no idea what sort of thing would happen to Jiho (or him) if that were to happen. He wouldn’t run that risk. 

Jiho handled the clean up on his own, telling HoJoon to stay there while he did. Jenissi changed into something to sleep in and then sat down on the bed closest to the door, book in hand. That only reinforced HoJoon’s observations from before. No matter what, though, Jiho looked happy as he cleaned the dishes, then turned down both beds. “You can sleep here,” he said, patting the bed near the window, on the side nearest the window. “I’ll join you in a bit.”

Hojoon climbed in, even more stiff if possible, and nearly sighed in relief at the soft and warm that enveloped him when he pulled the blanket up to his chin. Jiho turned off the main lights, then crawled up on the other bed, stretching out next to Jenissi, his head in the lion’s lap. Jenissi didn’t look away from his book, but his hand dropped to Jiho’s head and petted him. So… Jiho was something like a combination servant and pet? Hojoon didn’t sleep, which he found hard with warmth and comfort all around him, until Jiho had come to bed and Jenissi had turned off the bedside lamp.

“You should sleep,” Jiho said, his voice drowsy. “He leaves me alone.”

HoJoon sighed and closed his eyes. He still didn’t sleep until both Jenissi and Jiho’s breathing had evened out. Even then, he didn’t sleep as deeply as he might have, too aware of what could happen, even here. He woke when Jiho moved, climbing out of the bed. HoJoon grabbed his hand, and Jiho turned to look at him. “It’s okay,” he whispered, his features visible in the dim light that came through the curtains. “You can sleep. I have things to do.”

HoJoon frowned, his hand tightening on Jiho’s wrist. He had to fight to not tremble for his friend. Things to do sounded… like it could be anything, and he didn’t know what it meant.

Jiho leaned closer to him, resting his elbows on the bed. “It’s not like it was with _him_ ,” he whispered. “I promise.”

HoJoon bit his lip, but then he nodded and let Jiho go. He didn’t understand, but he also didn’t want to get his friend in trouble. He didn’t go back to sleep, watching from under the covers as his old friend started breakfast, woke Jenissi, and started his day. It didn’t make sense. He could tell Jiho loved this, every motion smooth, free… he couldn’t explain it better than that. He knew how Jiho moved when he hated to do something, was forced to do something, he’d seen it over and over. He didn’t see it now.

He ventured reluctantly out of bed as soon as Jenissi left with a promise to return shortly, and watched Jiho clean up after breakfast. “This is something like a combination between an apartment building and a shelter,” Jiho said. “Like we used to have for stray animals.” HoJoon lifted an eyebrow, and Jiho blushed. “I’m serious. They adopt humans. And so…. Jenissi adopted me. It’s not bad,” he repeated. “Some of them are mean, we know that. But some are nice.”

HoJoon shook his head. But a lion? he wanted to ask. He waited until Jiho looked at him again. ‘Hansol?’ he signed. ‘ByungJoo?’

Jiho’s smile lit his face. “They’re around, and they’re happy. I see them sometimes, but they don’t live here.”

HoJoon nodded and rubbed the back of his head. It hurt, everything hurt - if less than last night - and he wished he could find another nest like the one they’d found him in, and sleep it off. He needed to get further into the city so he could do that.

The lock clicked, and he got up, backing toward the window before he thought about it. Jiho looked at him in understanding, but his smile flashed again and he went to meet Jenissi. Jenissi came into the room with another lion, and threw his arm around Jiho’s shoulders. This new one HoJoon knew, from last night, but he didn’t know his name yet. There had been too many of them last night. “He’s still really skittish, but Nakta said he’s pretty much in good health,” Jenissi said.

“They didn’t find any ID in his things,” the other one said. “I guess that burn on his shoulder would have been enough.” He watched HoJoon, his eyes bright with wanting, as if he were on a hunt. HoJoon backed up further, his hand on the wall to give him a chance to switch directions if he needed it. His attention focused on them, aware of his surroundings and where he could go. He could get to the window, break it, and jump if he had to. He hadn’t seen bars before Jiho had closed the curtains.

“It’s okay,” Jiho said, but he didn’t move away from Jenissi. HoJoon spared him a glance to see that he couldn’t, that Jenissi held him tightly. HoJoon looked back at the strange lion, wary, and took another step backwards. He wouldn’t have much time.

“You know his name,” the strange lion said, his eyes narrowing at each of HoJoon’s movements. HoJoon could feel his heartbeat speed up, and he wanted to get out of there, out from under that hunter’s gaze.

“Yes,” Jiho said shortly.

“Because he was in that….” The lion took a deep breath, made his voice calmer. “But not in the register.”

“He got out,” Jiho said, his voice strained. “I don’t know how.”

“Did he have breakfast?” Jenissi asked.

“No,” Jiho said.

HoJoon stepped back again, getting closer to the window, careful not to look any of them in the eyes. At least he could use the curtains to keep his hand from getting too cut up when he broke it. The fall wouldn’t do any damage, and he could probably get away from there pretty quickly. He’d head for the river, to get rid of tracks and scent, at least for a while. 

“SeoGoong wants to get him into his own place,” Jenissi said finally.

HoJoon flinched at the sudden words. “I’ll take him down,” the strange lion said. Hojoon’s heartbeat increased, hands clenched into fists to make it easier to break the window. He had to get out. Now.

“It’s okay,” Jiho said again, desperately soothing, and HoJoon jerked his head to look at Jiho. “He won’t hurt you.”

The strange lion looked at Jiho, surprise in his expression. Then he looked back at HoJoon, who flinched backwards again. His stance eased, and he put his hands in his pockets. “Xero will drive me crazy if I try,” he said, sounding calmer and even fond. HoJoon inched backwards again, ready to go out the window, not sure what to believe. “SeoGoong has a place set up for you to stay a while. No one will do anything to you, no one will require that you pay for anything here.” 

“It’s okay,” Jiho said, his tone still desperate. “It’s okay.”

Hojoon looked between the lion and Jiho, trying to figure out what to believe, what to even do. No one moved, none of them moved toward him, although he could see that the strange lion wanted to. Slowly, he relaxed, no longer straining for the window, and then put his head down to rub it. It still hurt, not enough water, not enough food, not….

A hand wrapped around his wrist and he flinched back, too late, too stupid not to keep on guard. He should have kept his eyes on them, should have…. 

“I won’t hurt you,” the strange lion said. His grip held HoJoon’s wrist just hard enough that he couldn’t escape, and HoJoon gave up after a brief struggle. His shoulders slumped, and he followed the lion as he walked out of the room, without even looking at Jiho. He’d keep watch, and somehow get out of this, too. Somehow.

Back down the stairs, through the lobby and past the white blond SeoGoong, down the opposite hallway to stop at a door. SeoGoong followed them, catching up in no time, a key card in his hand. “Feeling better?” he asked HoJoon.

HoJoon shrugged, carefully not looking into his eyes. He didn’t want to antagonize them.

“I’m SeoGoong. I run this place with the help of Jenissi and Gohn, here.” He gestured to the lion still holding HoJoon’s wrist. A name, good. “This is your place until something changes, and you should be here by yourself.”

HoJoon grimaced. That meant someone adopting him, if Jiho’s comment were anything to go by. He didn’t see any other options. 

“You can look at us,” SeoGoong added, reaching around him to open the door. “Just so you know.” Gohn walked HoJoon in and cautiously let him go. “If you need something, call. The phone works. You can’t get the door open from that side.”

Typical. HoJoon looked around and nodded. A smaller room than the one upstairs, with only one bed. They’d obviously done some remodeling. The door closed behind him, leaving him finally free of their gazes, their hunting, their presence. HoJoon stepped further into the room. He found his pants and coat folded neatly on the table, the bag with his things next to it. They’d been cleaned as well. Two chairs sat at either end, wooden and matching the table, straight backed with no arms. 

He checked the bathroom and found towels, more like the fluffy white one he’d used when they’d first brought him, and soap, and a brush. He went back out to the main room to open the curtains, not surprised (if very disappointed) to find bars on the outside. He closed the curtains again. He’d rather artificial light to the sight of them, right now. 

The room had everything he could need. Cups, water, something to eat when he opened the fridge. He closed the door again, even as his stomach growled. He couldn’t eat that, couldn’t, because it all came with a price. Always. He checked the drawers in the small dresser against the wall, finding more clothes - sweats and shirts like what he already wore, and in his size - and then turned back to the table. Under the bag with his things he found a paper, typed and easy to read. It explained exactly what would happen each day, what he was expected to do, and said, at least three times, that he would not be charged for anything. 

No, he supposed that would be true. They’d never charged the dogs in the shelters, either. On the other hand, he could work. He could do things. Could be forced to do things. He had plenty of experience with that. He left the paper sitting there, and took his things out of the bag. The water bottle went in on the sink, the rest of the things in an empty drawer - the bottom one. He hung his coat in the closet, put his pants in the drawer, wondered vaguely if they’d thrown his shoes away, and then decided he didn’t care. He’d get something else. He looked around again, and then crawled into the bed. Clean sheets, warm scent of laundry and sun, and warmth as he pulled the blanket up to his chin made his body relax. He hadn’t meant to go to sleep, but he didn’t fight it. He’d figure out a way to make himself stronger while he was there, so he’d last longer once he got out and got free. He had to get out.

His days settled into a regularity that eased his nerves once he got used to it. Food came at regular times, usually brought by a combination of SeoGoong, Gohn, and Jenissi, sometimes one of them and Yano. Always two. He used the microwave more than he expected to. Sometime in the morning or afternoon, someone came to let him out for exercise, so he wouldn’t go completely stir crazy. Almost without fail, Gohn was that someone, and HoJoon went quietly with the grip on his wrist, not fighting, looking forward to the time outside. He walked, ran, trotted, and skipped around the enclosed grassy area, cleared of anything that might trip him up. In the middle of summer, he didn’t need shoes too badly, so he managed without them. Sometimes he climbed the trees, none of them close enough to the fence to let him out. It helped with his strength, helped him get into shape so that when he ran, when he got out, he could get farther than he might have otherwise. On days it rained, Gohn opened the workout room, and HoJoon spent the time running and walking on the treadmill or lifting weights. It didn’t hold his attention for long. 

On some of the days they went outside, Jiho joined him, happy to keep up with him and talk his ear off. Eventually, he would stop talking, out of breath, and just keep up with HoJoon. At that point, HoJoon usually took pity on him and would sprawl out on the grass, and Jiho would lay next to him. HoJoon sometimes felt like a cat, letting the sun warm him to lethargy. He didn’t mind. He’d done some work, and he could relax.

“Anything?” Jenissi asked one afternoon.

“Not a word,” Gohn said, sounding perplexed. “I don’t know what else to do.”

HoJoon cracked open an eye and looked at them, where they leaned against the fence near the gate. 

“I don’t know either,” Jenissi said. “You have to remember he’s a lot more feral that Xero ever was.”

HoJoon sorted softly. Feral. Right. “What?” Jiho asked drowsily. HoJoon shrugged.

“Surely he can tell this is good, better than the last place he was in….” Gohn trailed off and looked at HoJoon. “I don’t know if it’ll be better to wait or to just go through with it now.”

“Do it,” Jenissi said immediately. “Xero improved tons when he was with me, when he could see we aren’t all like that….” He trailed off, then touched his left shoulder, in the same place HoJoon had a brand, and so did Jiho. And everyone else in that hell.

“It’s not bad,” Jiho said, sounding more awake. “And Gohn is nice.”

HoJoon sat up and hugged his knees to his chest. He didn’t want a nice beast. He definitely didn’t want a nice lion. He didn’t want anyone to… adopt him, like he was some sort of animal. He sighed and closed his eyes, concentrating on the sun warming his back. He had to find a way to get out.

“You should let me comb that,” Gohn said, his voice right over HoJoon’s head. His hand rested on HoJoon’s hair. “I’m sure you’d feel better.”

HoJoon jerked his head away and fell over, unrolling easily to get to his feet. He backed away warily, keeping his hands free. Gohn didn’t follow him, he never did, watching him with a wry smile. HoJoon struggled to hide how much that smile made him want to run and hide in that bed and never come out. He stared at the ground at his feet, hands clenched into fists. Fighting wouldn’t help. No matter what beast, they were stronger than he was.

Gohn sighed. “Come on. It’s time to go inside.”

HoJoon nodded and started for the gate. Jiho hugged him suddenly, stopping him. “It’s okay,” he whispered to HoJoon. “It is. I’ll see if Hansol or ByungJoo can come next time.”

“Xero,” Jenissi called, and Jiho let him go and walked over to Jenissi with less energy than usual. HoJoon followed him, waiting patiently at the gate for Gohn to take his wrist. Back in his cell - no matter what they called it, he knew better - he crawled into the bed and curled around one of the pillows. He didn’t want this reality. He just didn’t. Not that what he wanted had ever made a difference. He put it out there anyway, his last thoughts as he went to sleep.

“You know as well as I do, it’ll be good for him to get out of here,” Seogoong said softly, close enough for HoJoon to hear, soft enough and familiar enough that he didn’t start awake and try for the door.

“Not like my place is much better,” Gohn said, and Hojoon’s hands clenched under the blanket, hopefully hidden from their view.

“It is better, and you know it. You’re there, for one, and you can spend more time gaining his trust. It’s hard here, with all of us. Do you want me to get Nakta to come and give him a second exam, just in case?”

Gohn sighed, and brushed his hand gently over HoJoon’s hair, still in knots. “Yeah. I think so.”

“Good. He’ll be good for you, too.”

Gohn snorted, then his hand left HoJoon’s head and they walked away, closing and locking the door behind them. HoJoon lay there a while longer, then sat up and looked around the room. He had to find a way to get out of here, because he might not escape once Gohn took him home. If given the choice to stay here or go with one lion, he’d take here.

He didn’t think they’d give him the choice. With a scowl, he began to plan.

Nakta showed up the next day, walking in without announcement. HoJoon flinched off the bed and put it between him and the door before he realized who had come in. “I’d like to see how you’re doing,” Nakta said, setting his bag down on the bed. “You look a lot better, and I’d like to make sure you match your looks.”

HoJoon hesitated, then shrugged and went to sit down on the bed when Nakta gestured to him. 

Halfway through the exam, Nakta had him take off his shirt, then he looked at HoJoon and sighed. “You know you’re up for adoption, right?” HoJoon shrugged. “You’ll have a new home soon. Just so you know. They have this thing about springing the news on people. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

HoJoon wanted to say something, opening his mouth several times, but he couldn’t. He finally gave up and shrugged again. “You know who it is, don’t you,” Nakta asked, checking through his bag. HoJoon nodded. Nakta patted his shoulder - the left one - and smiled. “He’ll take care of you,” he said. “Nothing to worry about.”

Except the whole lion part, and what he’d learned it meant when someone said they’d take care of him, Hojoon thought as the doctor left again. He sagged back on the bed and closed his eyes. He had to get out of there. Soon. He had a plan. He’d follow it, and hope. After a minute, he sat up and pulled the shirt on again, rubbing his shoulder. It still hurt sometimes, a reminder that they were as cruel as the animals they’d come from.

When Gohn and SeoGoong came that evening, HoJoon had changed into his own jeans, the things from the bag back in the pockets of his coat. He figured he’d get one shot at this, only one, and he’d have to make it a good one. “Come on,” Gohn said gently, kindly. HoJoon managed not to show how he cringed. The last time someone had talked to him like that, it had not ended well for him until he’d managed to run away. “You’re going home with me.”

HoJoon picked up his coat and followed as they walked down the hall. They stopped in a small, open room to one side just before the lobby, one he'd never noticed before. Gohn gestured him in and he went, and then stopped in surprise.

Shoes. His last pair had been held together by tape, twine, and dried mud, and he figured he'd have to get to Gohn's place with bare feet. This gave him a fighting chance to follow his plan, and so he found a pair that fit pretty well - well enough - anxious to get out of there. Gohn smiled at him when he looked up, and HoJoon looked down again immediately, managing not to cringe. 

Gohn lead him back to the lobby, and then straight through to the front door. HoJoon shrugged into his coat in the face of the chill air that came through when the door opened. He cheered up even more when he saw the sun low in the sky. He still had light, and he needed that. Out the doors, and Gohn still hadn’t grabbed his wrist, and HoJoon didn’t move in any way to make Gohn think he wanted to escape. They walked through the parking lot and to the street. HoJoon took a moment to get his bearings, and knew where he was.

As soon as Gohn turned away from the river, HoJoon took off at a dead run in the other direction. _Just this once, please let this work, just this once…._ He could hear Gohn coming after him but he didn’t look back racing for the river. _Not far, not far…._

HoJoon felt something brush his collar when he jumped, landing in the torrent. He let it carry him under, stubbornly holding his breath as it swept him downstream. When he surfaced a while later, he didn’t know how far he’d gone, and didn’t look back to check. He didn’t care. He’d get out later. Right now, he merely fought to keep his head up and tried to get to the other side of the river. It took him a long time, and he’d almost run out of light, before he found a place he could get out. By then, he could barely move his arms and legs. He staggered up the bank and into a wild-grown thicket, not caring about thorns or anything else as long as it kept him hidden, curled up, and fell asleep.

The sun woke him, warm on his skin through his drying clothes. He didn’t move for a bit, listening, but he didn’t hear anything. Slowly, he crawled out of the thicket, stiff from the run and the swim, wincing as the thorns he hadn’t cared about the night before pulled strands of his hair out of his head. With luck, Gohn would never get this far down in searching for him - if he even tried. He brushed himself off and started away from the river, hoping for a place deep inside the city, where the beasts didn’t go. He could stay there and figure out where to go next, or even just stay there until he couldn’t stand it any more.

He hadn’t gotten far when someone called his name. HoJoon stopped, listening, eyes closed to try to hear better. Not too many people knew his name. He had no idea if Gohn did. He’d never used it (maybe he would rename HoJoon, like Jenissi did with Jiho), and the voices sounded young enough to be Hansol and ByungJoo. Chances were, if they’d come, so had Jiho.

If so, he might kill someone. Using them to catch him was blatantly unfair. He didn’t want to hurt them, but he didn’t want to stay, and….

He looked around to find a hiding place, somewhere still on the edge of the city near the river, and waited until they came into sight. Yes, there they were, with their guardian beasts, whoever, and even Jenissi and Jiho. He didn’t see Gohn, but that didn’t mean…

“Hello pretty,” a voice said in his ear, just before someone grabbed him around the chest, pinning his arms to his sides. HoJoon jerked away, too late. “You must be who they’re calling for.”

HoJoon shook his head, struggling ineffectively. He knew it wouldn’t help. He’d gotten caught by another beast, damn it. 

“No voice? Hm…. Still, they are my friends, so off we go.” HoJoon didn’t have a chance to try to get away as the best threw him over his shoulder and strode off toward the river and the voices.

Of all the…. HoJoon just about broke down and cried, frustrated and angry with this whole… life. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? The beast set him down but didn’t let him go, one hand gripping HoJoon’s wrist the way Gohn used to, but tighter. HoJoon didn’t like it.

“Gohn,” the beast said, sounding pleased. 

“Sangdo,” Gohn said, and HoJoon looked up at him in surprise, jerking his arm to get loose. No luck. He dropped his eyes and stared at his feet, ignoring his three friends, who hadn’t come any closer. He glanced at them to see them held as securely as himself. Forbidden, of course. He yanked at the hold on his wrist again, but the beast didn’t even seem to feel it.

“I believe this is what you’re looking for.”

HoJoon’s teeth clenched. He wasn’t an it, thank you. “Yes,” Gohn said, sounding resigned. “Thank you.”

SangDo laughed softly. “Next time, I’ll just eat him.”

“There won’t be a next time,” Gohn said respectfully, and his hand closed around HoJoon’s other wrist. Just like that, he found himself back where he’d started. He didn’t listen to the rest of the conversation, wondering when his life had slid into the Twilight Zone. Why hadn’t he asked what sort of beast would eat him? Because he didn’t care. If he ever got free again, he’d head right back here to see if he really would.

They all walked back in silence. Not even Jiho spoke, or if he did, he kept it quiet enough that HoJoon couldn’t hear him over the river. Hojoon didn’t resist the persistent pull on his wrist and didn’t look around to see when the others left. Gohn led him past the hotel/shelter and to a small house tucked away behind the wreck of a building three blocks away. Inside, HoJoon kicked off the shoes that had somehow stayed on through the wild ride, and Gohn hung up his coat. Gohn then led him through the house into a small room in the back, past a door that looked like it led to the main bedroom, where Gohn lived, and a door to the bathroom.

“This is yours,” Gohn said, letting HoJoon go, and HoJoon walked in to look around.

A twin bed sat against the wall under the window across from the door, with a pillow, covered in blues. A desk took up the wall to his right, with a straight backed chair that probably matched the chairs in the kitchen. To his left he found only a small door, a closet he could probably fit in if he had to, but he wouldn’t be comfortable. HoJoon sat on the chair at the desk and folded his hands in his lap, trying not to show how hopeless he really felt. He glanced up at Gohn, enough to see his mouth, anyway, and nodded his thanks, certain that’s what Gohn expected.

“Make yourself comfortable,” Gohn said, and then backed out and closed the door, only he didn’t make it latch, leaving it ajar. HoJoon waited until he heard Gohn moving around another room, and then he got up and went to the window, reaching it from the foot of the bed. He pushed the curtains aside, noting that they actually matched the bed spread, and looked out. Barred, of course. He couldn’t see anything from here anyway, just ruined buildings. He let the curtain fall back and sat down on the foot of the bed. Exhausted and not sure what Gohn expected of him, he lay down, curled up on the bed, and cried silently, his back to the door to keep at least the illusion of privacy. As soon as the tears tapered off, he fell asleep.

HoJoon didn’t feel any better when he woke up, but he hadn’t expected to. He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes, and then rolled off the bed and went to the door. It still stood ajar, and he cautiously pulled it open, looking out, ready to pull back at the first sign of displeasure. Nothing happened. Surely Gohn had heard him move? He ventured further out, down the hall to where he could see sunlight. He hesitated in the dimness of the hallway, looking into the lit room, poised to go back to his room in a hurry.

Gohn sat under the window on a comfortable looking chair, reading. Bookcases filled the wall next to him, and around the corner to where HoJoon stood. “Hello,” Gohn said, looking up from his book. HoJoon flinched back, wary. Gohn didn’t leave the chair, merely watched him. “Come on in. Are you hungry?”

HoJoon’s hands tightened on the corner where he held on, and managed a short nod. Cost was no longer a question. He’d have to pay it, he knew that.

Gohn stood slowly and went into the kitchen. HoJoon relaxed a little, when it became obvious Gohn wouldn’t approach him for right now. He returned with a sandwich and a glass of milk, and set it on the table a fair distance from his chair. He sat back down. “You can eat at the table, if you want.”

HoJoon took a moment to figure out what to do, then he moved, letting go of the wall to go around the long way, staying out of Gohn’s reach. He picked up the plate and the glass and retraced his steps to the hallway. He sat there, his back against the wall, and ate carefully so he didn’t make a mess, and so he didn’t show how hungry he’d gotten. 

“You don’t like this,” Gohn said, when HoJoon had nearly finished his sandwich. HoJoon froze and glanced in his direction, not sure how to respond, feeling like a fly in the spider’s web. At least Gohn still sat in his chair. “I guess I can understand it,” Gohn went on. “After who knows how long in that… twisted version of a crazy cat lady’s house, and who knows how long out on your own. None of us do well without a pride.” He paused, and HoJoon fastened his gaze on the plate and the last bite of sandwich. He suddenly couldn’t eat it. “You’re warm here. You have a soft place to sleep, you’ll have food regularly, and none of it will cost you anything.” HoJoon flinched. “You won’t be alone. You have friends, and they’ll be able to come and visit.”

Stubbornly, HoJoon didn’t look up, afraid to show his disbelief in the face of Gohn’s words. It would… possibly mean the retraction of the no cost thing he kept repeating. Gohn sighed, and then laughed softly. He got up and walked over, and then crouched down in front of HoJoon. “I know you don’t believe me,” he said. “I don’t know how long it took Xero to settle down. Jenissi’s never told me.” He reached out to touch the knots near HoJoon’s right ear. “You’ll feel better with that combed out,” he said. HoJoon flinched, then froze, waiting for retaliation. Gohn stood up and stepped back, fast enough that HoJoon didn’t feel threatened until the possible threat had passed. “You’ll see,” Gohn said, going back to his chair. “Give it time.”

As soon as Gohn sat down again, HoJoon scrambled to his feet, careful not to get crumbs or spill the dregs of the milk on the carpet, and fled back to his room. It took a long time before he stopped shaking.

Days blended together. HoJoon found himself relaxing, tensing less when Gohn came near and did nothing violent. He said nothing about HoJoon owing him anything. Regular food, sleep, and a lack of threats helped him fill out more than he had at the shelter. He felt better, he couldn’t deny it. And he hated it.

He hated that he couldn’t keep himself from venturing out of the bedroom as the days went on and he found that he was slowly going crazy. He spent his days locked in his bed room, dozing until Gohn came back from work to let him out for food and to use the bathroom. He had nothing to do, didn’t dare avail himself of Gohn’s offer to take a book and read the day away. Was that why Jiho had become half pet, half servant? He hoped so, and it wasn’t because he somehow had to work off what Jenissi had done for him. But he knew when Jiho didn’t want to do something, and he’d loved doing what he did with and for Jenissi. Hojoon couldn’t deny that. It didn’t make it any easier, though, and then, when he did venture out in the evenings, after dinner and his shower, to sit on the floor near the bookcases, Gohn read out loud. 

He had a nice reading voice, calm and steady and HoJoon enjoyed the stories. It felt weird, actually, but he began to enjoy being there, listening to the books, enough to relax and not worry about anything coming at him.

Slowly, so slowly that HOJoon didn’t notice at first, that relaxation in the evenings helped him relax at other times during the day. He grew comfortable enough with Gohn to relax when he was around other times, in the mornings and when he came home from work. He stopped flinching when Gohn touched him, which he did a lot, a brush of his fingers on HoJoon’s shoulders, wrists, hair. He got used to it. It didn’t stop him from staring out the window some nights, kneeling on his bed, looking at the sky through the bars and wishing he’d managed to escape. That he’d stayed in the river until it dumped him in the sea or until he drowned, either way. 

He’d known people who’d done the same thing with their pets, gone to work and left them in their crates, to let them out at lunch time. Just because he had a room didn’t mean it was any less of a cage. HoJoon felt himself getting used to it, letting this lion do this to him. Granted, it felt better than the last cage, and he hadn’t had to pay for anything. Yet. Still. It started to drive him crazy.

He stopped eating as much, his movements listless when he did move. He went to the front room because it had become habit, and when he didn’t go, he knew Gohn would come looking for him. He tried to keep up appearances that he didn’t feel like he was losing himself, but it didn’t work. He could tell because Gohn looked concerned every time he looked at HoJoon.

“This is nice,” Jiho said one afternoon. He’d shown up with Jenissi, a surprise visit, and they relaxed in HoJoon’s room. HoJoon sat against the wall on his bed, legs stretched out in front of him. Jiho lay curled up around his pillow, looking half asleep. The door stood ajar. Gohn never closed it. Hojoon didn’t either, afraid of what Gohn might do if he did. He could hear the murmur of Gohn and Jenissi talking in the front room, so he shrugged and nodded.

“You can talk,” Jiho said. “He’s dead.”

HoJoon shook his head and looked down at his hands, held loosely in his lap.

Jiho sighed and squirmed around until he could lay his head on HoJoon’s leg and look him in the face. “Have you even tried to comb your hair? You look more like a lion than he does.”

HoJoon shook his head and scowled, then mimed cutting his hair short.

“No, don’t. It’d probably look good if you got the tangles out. If not, you can cut it then. Besides. You’d feel a lot better if you did something other than leave it tangled like that.”

HoJoon gave him an incredulous look. Then he remembered who he was and why HoJoon guessed Jenissi had brought him, and shrugged listlessly.

Jiho didn’t pursue it, and didn’t move his head. Soon after that short conversation, Jenissi came to get Jiho, and they left. His words stayed with HoJoon, though. After a few days of thinking about it, he decided to act. It couldn’t hurt much, could it? Only his head, as he struggled to get the tangles out.

It occurred to HoJoon only after he snuck the brush into his room that Jiho had said what he had probably because Gohn had asked him to. After a moment, he decided he didn’t care. He probably would feel better. As soon as the front door closed behind Gohn for his work day, HoJoon pulled out the brush and started to work on his hair. He wanted to get it done before Gohn came home for lunch.

It became clear that he wouldn’t finish on his own before lunch. It hurt, trying to pull the brush through the matted tangles. He kept trying, because giving up wasn’t really an option at this point. It didn’t help, and he finally had to give up, hoping Gohn wouldn’t notice any change at lunch. Gohn didn’t say anything, and didn’t notice that HoJoon seemed more wary or at least he didn’t seem to notice. HoJoon had no idea if he did or not.

After lunch, he didn’t get any further than he had before, and the frustration built up in him, at his inability to take care of himself, proof that he apparently did need a beast to do it for him, and that he cared that much about what Gohn thought after… he didn’t even know how long he’d been here, because he hadn’t thought to check, hadn’t thought to ask about dates or anything else. It was all going to drive him mad, and it didn't take too much to see that it was a short drive. 

He finally gave up, throwing the brush to the floor and sitting down against the wall to sulk. Gohn came home and HoJoon didn’t move, too frustrated and angry with himself and so… unable to express it any other way at the moment. THis seemed safe, and he realized the fault in that thought a moment too late.

Gohn pushed the door open, and the brush went with it, scraping across the carpet. He raised an eyebrow at HoJoon, sitting on the floor at the end of his bed, a muleish expression on his face, arms crossed defiantly. He picked up the brush and smiled, which HoJoon only knew because he heard it in his words. “Come have dinner. We’ll get this figured out after that.”

HoJoon didn’t move. Gohn walked over, grasped his arm, and pulled him to his feet without hurting him, and without any indication of impatience. “Come on,” he said, and let HoJoon go. Unable to come up with a good reason not to, aside from the lack of violence he’d come to realize was the norm with Gohn, HoJoon followed, still fuming, but beginning to calm down. It took some time, since no one had started dinner, and they still had to clean up and set the table and everything else. Soon enough, HoJoon sat in front of Gohn’s favorite chair still feeling like a petulant child.

It tested the patience of both of them. Gohn tried not to pull, and that turned out impossible. If he’d been able to, HoJoon would have told him not to bother. Instead, he gritted his teeth and bore with it, hugging his knees to his chest to keep from pulling away or grabbing the brush and tossing it across the room. Finally, after it had gotten dark outside and Gohn had paused to turn the light on, the brush went smoothly through HoJoon’s hair. HoJoon had relaxed some before now, and this caused him to stretch his legs out in front of him. “Much better,” Gohn said quietly, and the next stroke wasn’t the brush. Instead, HoJoon felt Gohn brush his fingers through HoJoon’s hair. HoJoon didn’t move, and Gohn did it again, from crown to nape to past his shoulders. After a few more times, HoJoon got to his feet, bowed to Gohn in thanks, and retreated to his own room.

He did feel better with his hair brushed. It also brought further discontent and not a little guilt. Or… sense that he owed Gohn something. He tried to be more accomodating, tried to do things to help that he wouldn’t have before, and Gohn’s sincere thanks for that made him feel even worse. It felt so weird, so… like he should pay him back, somehow, and he had no idea how to do that. Or where to start. Frustrated with the lack of… everything, furious with himself and how he’d given in so quickly, with Gohn for making him doubt everything he’d learned before this, and at the world for changing and making it all impossible to live with, he stalked into the kitchen when Gohn had settled down after dinner. It didn’t take him long to find the scissors he looked for, and he took them back to the bathroom.

Gohn caught him before he reached the doorway and took the scissors away before HoJoon even realized he’d caught up. HoJoon spun and grabbed for them, but Gohn batted his hands away. “You don’t need--”

HoJoon had had enough of that condescending tone. “I am not a child,” he snapped, his voice raspy. “I can take care of myself.” He didn’t notice the smile that spread across Gohn’s face.

“What do you want them for?”

HoJoon yanked on his hair, long enough to fall past his shoulders. “It’s too long.”

Gohn shook his head. “It won’t get so bad this time. We’ll take care of it. It looks good on you.”

HoJoon’s hands clenched into fists. “Who are you to decide what I can do or what I need?” 

Gohn reached for him, and HoJoon slipped back, more a habit that actual fear. “You are mine,” Gohn said gently. “It means I take care of you.”

“I can make my own decisions,” HoJoon snarled, his voice more normal sounding with each word he spoke. “I don’t want this.” He turned away, went into his room, and sank down on the floor against the wall on the foot of his bed. It took awhile for his hands to stop shaking and for his fists to loosen. His throat hurt, and he rubbed it once. Then he banged his head against the wall. After the third time, Gohn pushed the door open.

HoJoon tensed, watching warily, but Gohn merely set the brush on the desk. “I like your voice,” he said, and left again, closing the door behind him. It didn’t click, resting gently on the jamb.

Choking in frustration, HoJoon put his head down on his arms, and cried.

Things settled down after that, or he did, into a comfortable monotony. HoJoon woke the next morning and just… gave up. He couldn’t find it in himself to fight anymore. Three nights after the first time he spoke in years, he ventured out to the front room again, shaking with nerves. He held the brush so he had something in his hands, and he remembered that Gohn had seemed to like the brushing. 

Gohn looked up as he paused just in the hallway, before he could say anything or even decide he really didn’t want to be here. Gohn smiled at him, and gestured him in. HoJoon, feeling extremely stupid, walked over. “Sit down,” Gohn said, and gestured at the floor in front of him. HoJoon sat down and handed over the brush. Immediately, Gohn handed him the book in his hand. “Just start at the top of the page,” he said, and started to brush his hair. HoJoon found the beginning of the paragraph, and started to read. The story dragged him in, so deeply that he didn’t notice when Gohn stopped brushing and began petting him, hand brushing from crown to nape, occasionally playing with the longer length. As soon as he became aware of it, HoJoon finished the paragraph, handed the book back, and retreated to his room.

That became their evening routine. After a while, HoJoon didn’t leave as soon as he realized Gohn had stopped brushing his hair, staying longer. He ignored the inner voice that whispered how much he enjoyed the petting, after it ignored his insistence that he wanted to know how the book ended. During the day, without the book to distract him, those whispers became too loud to ignore. He started pacing in the afternoons, making half-hearted plans to escape. It only got worse when he realized just how much he didn’t care about following them. In the evenings, under Gohn’s hand, those thoughts evaporated. HoJoon’s agitation increased when he realized that, and his appetite shrank.

Gohn noticed. How could he not? After a few evenings HoJoon had left most of his dinner on his plate, Gohn took the brush HoJoon gave him, but didn’t give him the book. He brushed HoJoon’s hair, something that didn’t take long any more, then gently petted him. “What’s wrong?” he asked after a while.

HoJoon sighed. “I don’t know,” he said.

Gohn chuckled, but it didn’t sound very happy. “Don’t you?” he asked.

“No,” HoJoon said, but his frustration came out even in that short word.

“Bored?”

HoJoon shrugged. 

“Feeling cooped up?”

“A little,” HoJoon admitted.

Gohn didn’t say anything for a while. “I don’t want you to run away again,” he said.

HoJoon snorted. “I’m not a pet,” he grumbled. “Nor a child.”

“And yet, you’re clean, dry, fed. Not alone. You spend time with your friends. You’ve gained weight and you’re healthy, mentally and physically.”

HoJoon frowned at the wistful tone in Gohn’s voice. Something about it tugged at him. “I’m not free,” he said finally, when he couldn’t figure out what about that tone bugged him so much.

Gohn didn’t say anything after that, his hand still gentle on HoJoon’s head. He kept quiet even when HoJoon got up, wished him a good night, and went to bed.

The next few evenings went the same way, spent in silence, the book they’d read together never in sight, even when HoJoon came out from his room. HoJoon spent the time in some sort of limbo between fear and hope, not sure what would happen. The fear, though, didn’t seem as bad as it had before. He trusted Gohn, trusted that he wouldn’t do something angry, wouldn’t… hurt him, somehow. He rubbed his shoulder, remembering the branding. Even the memory of that pain wasn’t as sharp as it had been before he came here.

One morning, about five days after they’d had that conversation, Gohn didn’t usher HoJoon back to his room after breakfast. Startled, worried, hopeful, because maybe he wouldn’t have to stay in the room anymore, HoJoon watched him. “I’ve been thinking,” Gohn said. It looked like he could barely get the words out. “You are always welcome here.” He paused, swallowed, and then took a deep breath. “If you really want your freedom, then… you have it.”

HoJoon frowned, the words so unexpected that they didn’t sink in immediately. “I have….”

Gohn smiled sadly. “You can go.”

HoJoon stared at him, the freedom unexpected. It finally sank in, and he bowed. “Thank you.” He moved with a frenzy he hadn’t felt in a long time, gathering the things he’d brought and careful to leave anything new behind. It didn’t take him long in spite of that.

Gohn sat in his chair when he came out of the (his) bedroom, his book still shelved. HoJoon barely noticed how dejected Gohn looked as HoJoon bowed again. “Thank you,” he repeated. Gohn looked up and nodded, but said nothing. HoJoon grabbed his coat, settling it on his shoulders, and left the house for the first time since he’d gone in.

\----

The sun had started to set when HoJoon turned onto the street he’d been seeking for the last couple of days. He pulled his tattered coat around him when a gust of wind hit his back, whirling the leaves in front of him on the broken pavement. His steps slowed when he caught sight of a light coming through the window of a small house as he passed the ruins of a building. Another couple of steps and he stopped, staring at the house with hope and fear warring in his heart. “If someone else is there, I’ll just go,” he muttered, and the wind took his words and twisted them toward the sky.

It gave him courage, though. He started forward again, picking his way over the darkening ground to the lit window, hoping to peek in and see without giving himself away.

Gohn sat in his chair, as he usually did, book in hand, as he had the nights before HoJoon had told him he didn’t want to be there. HoJoon couldn’t see anyone else, any evidence that there was someone else there. He couldn’t remember if there had been any evidence that he’d been there, either, but by this time, he’d usually been out, reading while Gohn brushed his hair.

It didn’t matter. He couldn’t see anyone else. He turned toward the door, trying to be quiet. It helped that the wind whipped around him, leaves masking his steps, maybe, as they spun in flat whirlwinds along the ground. When he reached the door, he knocked firmly.

He had enough time to get nervous, to decide he’d made a mistake, when the door opened. Gohn stared at him for a moment before he recognized HoJoon, and his eyes and mouth opened in surprise.

“You said I was welcome. That I was free. I missed you,” HoJoon stammered in a rush to get it all out before Gohn shut the door on him. 

He didn’t, but he stood there for so long that HoJoon clasped his hands together to hide how they shook, wondering if it had been a mistake after all. Finally, a smile HoJoon hadn’t even realized he missed spread over Gohn’s face, and he stepped back. “Come in.”

HoJoon followed him, shedding his coat to hang up - he’d have to get a new one, it was too cold to go out without one - and slid his shoes off. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I meant to be here earlier, but I got lost.” 

Gohn laughed and ruffled HoJoon’s hair, back in knots, if hopefully not as bad as the last time. “Go get in the shower. I’ll get you something to wear and something to eat, you lost all that weight again.”

With a bow of thanks, HoJoon padded to the bathroom, finding nothing to make him think Gohn had brought anyone else from the shelter. He shed his clothes, both pants and shirt so badly worn he knew they’d get tossed into the trash, and it didn’t bother him. The warm running water felt good, and he scrubbed his hair and body until he felt clean. He didn’t make his skin raw this time, stepping out to a familiar towel and sweats he recognized from the shelter. He didn’t mind, slipping them on and padding out to the front room, brush in hand.

Gohn set out a simple dinner, something not too heavy. It was enough, though, and HoJoon thanked him again when he finished. Gohn’s smile brightened his evening further. “Let’s get those tangles out,” Gohn said, and gestured for HoJoon to sit in front of his chair again.

This time, it didn’t take as long to get the tangles out, once Gohn realized he’d braided it to keep the knots down. HoJoon sat still in front of him, warm for the first time since the weather had changed, full for the first time in a couple of days, and comfortable. Not frightened, not scared, not…. He sighed, and his breath hitched at a particularly bad pull. 

“How long are you here for?” Gohn asked as the brush went through his hair without catching, and then he stroked HoJoon’s head, crown to nape. 

HoJoon carefully turned to face him. “As long as you want me,” he said. “You were right. I just… had to choose it myself.”

Gohn smiled and petted him again, and HoJoon lay his head on Gohn’s knee. “I don’t want you to ever go,” he said.

“Then I won’t,” HoJoon said, and closed his eyes as Gohn petted him again.


End file.
